Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
