there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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