what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
