The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
