So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
