So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
