Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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