he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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