i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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