hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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