I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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