My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
