but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
