oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
