my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
