seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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