accomplished twins. life is a go
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
