I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's blow job season.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
There are leaves in my underwear?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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