I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Why can't burritos get me drunk
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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