I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you win again, gameday.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
