I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
