We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
