Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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