From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
