I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
