Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
