ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
