I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
