Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
