he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
