Please, let me fuck your mom
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
