He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
