how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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