On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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