I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
