The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
