k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
