I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
