I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
