just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
