just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
