Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
