New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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