super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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