I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Randomize
