I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
