This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
