I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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