He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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