My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
