you guys were way drunker than both of me
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
