do herpes really smell.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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