sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
